My Health

I am a Panic and Anxiety disorder survivor.

I am not just surviving I am thriving.

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This is my journey...

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"You will be on medication your whole life.”

Eight of the most frightening words I had ever heard. I guess you can say this was the real start of my health journey.

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder over 20 years ago. Back then no one spoke about these issues. There was no internet to do research like there is today. And the few friends I spoke about it with told me “what do you have to panic about”?. It was then I shut down.

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I knew I was alone to figure it all out.

 I was at lunch with my mom and I turned to her and said my brain is exploding and I am going to die. She could not comprehend what in fact I was saying.

I was given oxygen and taken to the hospital by ambulance. I was told I was perfectly healthy.

Wait, what? This happened again two days later.

I went to my GP, I was convinced there was something wrong with my brain and insisted on a brain MRI. MRI showed my brain was healthy and he gave me Xanax and told me it was only enough for a week because of the addicting nature of this drug.

Nothing got better, it got worse, much worse. My pulse racing at 120 around the clock, racing thoughts, I could not sleep and I was losing weight. My Dr. told me I had a Panic Disorder and he prescribed Paxil and said I would be on it my whole life. I read the side effects of this medication and sobbed. The list of side effects was extensive. I suffered in silence.

I needed to function and this was the only way I saw that to happen. If you have ever been on this class of drugs, you know. I was like a rubber band that could not stretch. I was not happy and I was not sad-I just was. I knew I had to get off this drug- so I dove into research and read everything I could get my hands on to understand what was happening to me. I needed to heal myself. And over the next six months I did heal and went off the meds.

I have never been on meds again. This period of my life was the worse six months I had ever experienced, but it was the best six months. I learned so much about myself. I learned how to let go of the unimportant things and focus on what matters. There are times I do feel an elephant on my chest. I now have the coping mechanisms to get through those periods. Breathe work, journaling, and essential oils to name a few.

Having tools and natural solutions makes those times ever so fleeting.